“I don’t want to change” this was a realisation from a client recently during one of our coaching sessions. My client was given feedback from his manager that it would be useful if he worked on his time management. He wasn’t sure exactly what was expected of him to work on – he hadn’t asked for specific feedback when he agreed he would work on his time management. In our coaching session we talked through how he currently worked & what areas of time management might be beneficial to work on so that he could notice behaviours that might not be useful. When checking on the impact some of his behaviours had on his peers & others that he worked it, he realised that this was where the feedback was coming from. He liked being under pressure & working to a last minute deadline – it worked for him – it just wasn’t working for those people around him. It put them under pressure & made them work to last minute deadline as well.
After some more discussion on the impact & options in relation to this he realised this wasn’t a behaviour he wanted to change. He liked working to last minute deadlines & just wasn’t ready to change this. This is a very important realisation to make. When you realise you are not ready to change something – you can recognise your resistance & work with it instead of working against it. The most important part of change is making the decision to change. Change works most effectively when you have first made this decision.
So often when my clients are working through change, they haven’t fully committed to it. They haven’t made the firm decision to change. They’re fighting against themselves because there is a large part of them that doesn’t want to change. Where this is the case, you will always have the internal conflict bringing you back to your original habit. You won’t want to put the effort into or prioritise the change you’re half committed to. Think of the last time you joined the gym in January with great intentions of going every week – how long did it take before you were looking at how many months you had paid for without going at all! Had you really made the decision to change & bring exercise as a regular thing into your life?
Look at any change you are aiming to currently make & are struggling with. For this change ask yourself:
Have I made the decision to change?
Am I 100% committed to the change?
Do I really want to make this change?
If not, what is it that is holding me back from making the change?
What’s my motivation behind making the change?
What will I gain from making this change?
What are the benefits to me?
What’s stopping me from making this change?
Make sure you have a complete awareness of all your reasons for making the change & the reasons that will motivate you to prioritise & focus on the things that you want to change.
I would love to hear from you on the reasons you haven’t made a decision to change, comment below or send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
a) It feels too difficult
b) I’m afraid of failing
c) I don’t have the time
d) I don’t have the money / resources
e) I don’t want to change
f) It’s easier to keep doing what I’m doing
g) Other – let me know your specific reasons